Updated: Sep 28, 2021
Almost seven years ago, I attended a weekend workshop on Shamanic journeying.
In the simplest of ways, it took me out of my ordinary reality, into multidimensionality, and, ironically, it brought me home to myself!
For those who don't know much about journeying, it's a process like visualization that can involve hallucinogens, but, the kind I did does not!
In fact, the school I went to is very focused on being embodied, which I love. It's taken me years to be fully in my body, and that felt super important to me.
Instead, we used drumming to induce a trance state.
It felt powerful and whole, and I grew very silent. It was like this still place in me became the center.
We wore masks over our eyes to block out light so that we could see psychically.
We focused on our psychic senses of vision, hearing, knowing, and sensing.
I've always been a little psychic, but when I came to this class, I was in the midst of opening to my spiritual and intuitive self in larger ways.
I was scared and hopeful and uptight and did I say, hopeful? Yeah.
All weekend, we learned how to journey for answers for ourselves and others in the lower world. I saw it as a beautiful forested space with animals where I felt very peaceful.
We journeyed with our Spirit Animals who were there for support, guidance, and protection.
I'd actually met my Spirit Animal, Trumpet, a week before class!
He literally flew into my meditation and introduced himself! It was shocking and profound.
We argued about whether I'd feed him "live" (visualized) mice (I won - and got to feed him stunned mice). He let me stroke his soft, feathered head, and I could really feel his softness!
This is what Trumpet looked like:
On the last day of class, we journeyed to the upper world. There, we were to meet one of our spiritual teachers who would offer us a gift and a healing.
The upper world was a space of flowing pink and gold curtains of light. It was beautiful! I hadn't known what to expect and the teachers hadn't told us. They wanted us to experience it directly for ourselves. <3
When I arrived in the flowing pink, white, and gold light, my teacher was standing to the left of me.
He had on a white robe with gold sandals. Immediately, I knew who he was, though I'd never seen paintings of him dressed like this.
But, since I didn't grow up Christian, I felt uncomfortable.
Feeling frustrated and determined to make this work, I left quickly, rising to "higher" levels looking for another teacher.
Trumpet flew, zig zagging, behind me, yelling, "Who are you looking for?! Your teacher is waiting for you below! Where are you going?!"
I couldn't answer, and I kept looking.
Finally, I gave up and drifted down to the first level.
With stiffness, I approached my teacher and asked his name.
He answered with kindness.
I asked him for a healing.
He gazed at me with great love and hugged me, and we both turned gold!!!
When he let me go, I tried to turn myself gold again, and he said with reverence,
"You have to feel love first, then you turn gold, not the other way around."
I nodded with impatience.
Then, I asked him for a gift.
I'd been hoping for a special amulet or a magical instrument.
My teacher looked at me with great love and reverence and replied, "I'm giving you the gift of yourself. Because that's the best gift I can ever give you."
I stared at him, stunned. I know this is going to sound ungrateful, but, I felt irritated.
It's humbling now, but, I really didn't understand or value myself back then.
"Someday, you will understand," he said, gazing at me with love.
"You don't know how to love; I'm going to teach you."
I felt stunned. Blind-sided and indignant, I told him that I did know how to love.
As my mind argued with him, much to the shock of the polite part of me, he looked again at me patiently and responded: "No, you don't. You walked right past me instead of accepting the love that was here for you. I'm here for you. Someday, you'll see that you are the gift."
Years of judging myself, trying to be "perfect," and polite, and good, and kind, and not feeling not good enough had unearthed the truth. I was burned out, and I felt like something was missing.
Somewhere at some point in my life, I'd left myself behind.
I'd stopped feeling the beauty, love, and joy -- true freedom -- of my authentic self -- what I knew of myself as a child.
This was the wake-up call I needed, the doorway back to my own heart.
This story is longer but I'm going to stop here.
Why do I tell you all this?
Because this experience changed my life and it's the reason why I offer practices that open up love, trust, and intuitive knowing within. Not outside ourselves.
Through our hearts and souls.
And, we have the support of our intuition -- the language of our souls -- to guide us!
We're never alone.
What I always thought was outside of me is actually within me -- and it's within you, too, if you open up, listen, & look.
Beyond the fear of not being good enough or whole is the treasure of ourselves.
And, that's the greatest gift. ♥️